An adult review of fidget toys...because they keep asking us for some reason
Running a website sometimes means you get solicited to review things, most of the time in our case it is games or related collectibles but when the fidget toy craze started up we started getting contacted all the time to review or sell the toys. I wasn't sure how to make that game related so we declined every time. Then one day my partner Chris said "Yes" and it fell to me to do something with these toys. I am in my thirties, and I don't think I have an attention deficit disorder which is what launched these toys so they have little value to me. And my daughter isn't yet two so she doesn't know what to do with them either. So I tried to entertain myself and grade these odd items which made it kind of a game, so maybe that is why they wanted to send them to us.
First, came this 12 sided wonder which had a face that reminded me of the Plumbus from Rick and Morty. It is pretty big and therefore not a sneaky toy to fondle in class or whatever. This is compounded by a number of the options having quite audible clicking sounds. There is an analog joystick which is somewhat gaming adjacent. The Plumbus styled rubber nubs feel inappropriate to play with, like it is somehow sexual. That might be unique to me, but I found this toy to be weird with its textures and features. And given my utter ignorance of this subsection of gadgets it might in fact be designed to distract perverts spying on people. I mean stalking is probably pretty stressful and time consuming.
Second, I fondled a mini cube with only 6 sides of sensory stimulation. It fits better in my hand and I find it easier to fidget while watching TV. The analog joystick isn't as nice as the Plumbus above, but there is an "on/off" switch that makes a noise if you switch it quickly, BUT if you move it slowly back and forth you can avoid the sound and you start to feel the rotation of the earth as you become one with the universe.
Much like the movie "Gleaming the Cube" where Christian Slater teaches us that "Gleaming the Cube" means pushing your limits to the edge, I found a new part of my soul that wasn't satisfied with just sitting or playing on my phone. I HAD to fiddle with an object. I went back to the Plumbus and flicked the rubbery orbs in silent bliss.
The cubes occupied both hands now, but neither of them spun. I needed to experience that whirring power teasing you with the potential of inventing a perpetual motion machine that could solve the world's energy crisis. I grabbed a tri-spinner like the ones you see everywhere and I spin it. If you have avoided this craze I will tell you it spins longer than you think it would. Remember those disappointing spinning tops of your childhood? They hide in shame from the spinning majesty of these marvels of engineering. I find that you can start the spinner on a table and watch it spin while holding both cubes. I lose all sense of this reality when I spin another in the other direction next to it. This one is heavier metal, and the whirring sound is pronounced when you get it flying. Sadly, the company that sent it to us doesn't have it on their website, nor could I find it on Amazon in the never ending sea of spinners in every possible color and design. Maybe because one time it hit my knuckle and I threw it like a ninja star into the sun.
Oh. The company that sent the fidget toys Pinsam Gifts also make dice. They sent 3 that glow in the dark including one that is overtly sexual. However, I only received the verb die and the nouns have all the fun. I jokingly showed it to my wife and marveled at how it glows in the dark, and later that day a surgeon was able to remove it from my skull. If you want fidget toys, or dice I have to say Pinsam is a motivated and passionate seller offering businesses with little to no interest in their products samples just to spread their joy and they want to encourage couples to "suck" but leaving the object to be sucked up to their interpretation. I sucked down a milkshake and smiled while watching a spinner and fondling that weird Plumbus device.